Once a couple has made the decision to part, they have different divorce options available. Which one they choose depends on their own personal situation.

The Do-It-Yourself-Divorce

A do-it-yourself-divorce is also known as the “kitchen table divorce.” The divorcing couple does all the paperwork themselves and files the documents with the court. This may work when a couple has no unresolved issues between them and can easily make their parting decisions together. They should consider having individual attorneys look over the agreement before it is filed with the court to make sure they did not miss any key issues and that they understand their rights and obligations.

 

Mediation

In Oregon, mediation is when a neutral third party sits down with the couple and helps them negotiate the issues that need to be resolved. The mediator can cannot give legal advice to either party. The mediator can tell the couple what other divorcing couples have done in similar situations, but the couple must ultimately make their own decisions.

 

When the settlement has been committed to paper, some mediators with a legal background will draft the paperwork. They will suggest that each party have their own attorney review the paperwork before it is filed with the court. If the mediator does not have a legal background, they will refer the couple to a lawyer who can draft the paperwork for them or the parties will draft the documents themselves (see DIY, above). Couples may also hire attorneys to attend mediation sessions with them.

 

Litigation

Just a frustrated judge....

Just a frustrated judge….

Litigation is an adversarial process, which also results in more antagonism than other divorce options. Each party hires his or her own attorney and attempts to resolve all issues through back-and-forth negotiations. Sometimes, a mediator is called in to help. If the issues cannot be agreed upon by the parties, the case goes to trial. Then, the parties have no control over the final decisions; instead, the judge will make the decisions for them, and they must abide by all court orders. Because the parties have no control over the outcome, this can result in the parties continuing to fight long after the trial is complete.

 

Collaborative Divorce

A collaborative divorce is a non-adversarial process. The goal is for the parties to come to mutually agreed resolutions of their issues as amicably as possible. When children are involved, the attorneys assist parents in making a parenting plan that accommodates the needs of both the children and the parents.

 

Each specially-trained Collaborative Attorney is still an advocate for their client, but the attorney is more like a diplomat, there to help the parties’ sort through the issues and come to solutions that are best for their family. Neutral parties are called in to assist when necessary. For example, a third person with a financial background may assist with asset division. And a mental health coach is often an automatic party to the Collaborative team to assist with challenging emotional roadblocks.

 

A Collaborative divorce is a method that is the most efficient for most divorcing couples and families. The parties do not need to have everything figured out before entering the process. They can add in any additional professionals as needed. And, they can still have the advocacy of their own attorneys, without feeling the pressure of the courtroom.

 

For information on divorce options, or to discuss any aspect of your need for assistance for your divorce, contact us at Bridges Collaborative Divorce Solutions.

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Myah Kehoe, Attorney at Law / Mediator
Kehoe Moneyhun Law, LLC

319 SW Washington St., Ste. 614
Portland, OR  97204

2005 SE 192nd Ave., Ste. 200
Camas, WA  98607
503-281-0624

Myah’s Website
Email Myah

 

What Does That Mean?

Peacemaking means processing differences in a way that results in resolution. It’s not the absence of conflict. It’s an appreciation of conflict as an opportunity to rise to a higher level of function and satisfaction.

Conflict comes up naturally within ourselves and in relationship to others. It’s caused by unexamined habits, unmet needs, differences of opinion, personalities, perspectives, interests and values. It arises because of expectations and things that happen in life we can’t control or understand.

Inner conflict manifests as anger, jealousy, fear, anxiety and other conscious or unconscious emotions. Failure to resolve inner conflict results in ways of being that create discomfort for others and dysfunction in relationships.

The coming together in marriage is a time of peace and confidence. We expect to live happily ever after. But this peace is short-lived and is predictably disturbed by life and living in relationship.

Facing conflict is how we learn and grow. Not processing it properly means ongoing personal and relational dysfunction and pain. Learning and using peacemaking skills to resolve conflict results in ongoing growth, harmony and happiness.

In peacemaking, differences are expressed, heard and integrated into a higher peace. This higher peace is based upon new perspectives that are more inclusive. It transcends the personal to larger goals and deeper satisfaction.

How Is a Peacemaking Process Different?

Problem Solving Approach

Mediation and collaborative processes use a method of negotiation called “interest based” problem solving. It’s not the usual thought of bargaining, outwitting, overpowering, puffing, threatening and even bullying.

Interest based negotiation has these steps:

  1. Information gathering in a neutral way with full and voluntary disclosure
  2. Each party being able to express their own interests and listen to the concerns of the other in a safe, confidential environment without reaction or criticism.
  3. Together creating options to meet the interests of each as closely as possible.
  4. Choosing the best option after analyzing the strengths, weaknesses and feasibility of each.
  5. Committing to the option chosen.

Getting Help from Other Professionals:

Family issues are emotional, relational and financial as well as legal. Peacemaking processes take all of this into account. We work with families through each of these areas in a targeted and efficient manner, seeking to meet the needs of each situation.
The natural complexity of issues, concerns and experiences for our families is recognized and validated. Coaching is available for each aspect.

Time and Money (Hourglass)

Unbundled Services:

Lawyers can now provide what is called “unbundled” services. With informed consent on your part, we can assist where you need help. A high percentage of people choose to go through a court process unrepresented, particularly in family law. This is due to expense and the fear lawyers will unnecessarily polarize and/or complicate matters. That being said there are things a lawyer or other divorce professional can help you with. We can now coach, share information and encourage on an as needed basis.

What Makes Us Different?

Peacemaking being our passion is what makes us different. We have worked together for a long time to build this potential and make this service available. We regularly meet, share and support each other in improving our skills and have for the past 10 years. We believe in peacemaking, in ourselves and in your potential to choose a process that can have enduring positive consequences for your future.

Call one of our professionals to see the difference for yourselves.

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Dona Cullen, Attorney at Law / Mediator
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst
5200 Meadows Rd., Ste. 150
Lake Oswego, OR 97035

503-867-1763
Dona’s Website
Email Dona