I’m worried that my partner might not be fair to me in the divorce process. How can we try to work together in a peaceful process but still make sure I am taking care of myself?
Divorce is stressful and scary so your question is a very typical one. You (and your partner, if willing) should schedule a consultation with a Bridges Divorce professional and learn about your options for working together on a peaceful divorce that takes care of the needs of all family members (especially children). “Bridgers” are all very experienced in helping individuals and couples find the best option to fit the unique circumstances of their family and, after consultation, will advise you whether it seems like your situation is a good fit for a non-court process.
If there has been a major breach of trust (such as an affair) is it even possible for a couple to work together on their divorce?
Yes, it is possible for couples who start with a low level of trust in each other to work together in a process that will be both sale and transparent. While such work is not always easy, it is usually much less stressful and expensive than using the court model.
Wait! We never got married ~ but now we’re having troubles over the children and splitting-up property. How might Bridges work for me?
Oregon and Washington do not have “common-law marriage.” You could go to court and have all the “fun” of a typical Divorce (all without starting out with a happy wedding day <<grinn>>), but most folks can find better solutions with a different option. You (and your partner, if willing) should schedule a consultation with a Bridges Divorce professional and learn about your options for working together on a peaceful transition that takes care of the needs of all family members (especially children). “Bridgers” are all very experienced in helping individuals and couples find the best option to fit the unique circumstances of their family and, after consultation, will advise you whether it seems like your situation is a good fit for a non-court process.
How can we decide whether Mediation or Collaborative Divorce fit our situation best?
When someone consults an attorney about getting a divorce, anything that person tells the attorney is private and protected by the attorney-client privilege. On the other hand, any written document that is filed with the court is open to the public and readily discoverable by anyone, stranger or friend. At Bridges Collaborative Divorce Solutions, we work with our clients so that your privacy is protected during the divorce process.
How Privacy is Protected in a Collaborative Divorce
In the traditional setting, the parties file documents with the court without regard to privacy. They do not consult with each other about what information is included in those documents. One or both spouses may want some information to remain private, but since the process is adversarial, private information is often shared with the court. This means it is also shared with the public.
In a collaborative divorce, documents are filed at the end of the case. Both parties sign off on the paperwork and give their okay about the information that is included. Attorneys and their clients do it together. Nothing becomes public record unless both parties have agreed to it. In some instances, settlement agreements can be signed off by both parties, but the document itself is not filed with the court.
Some examples of issues that the parties may want to keep private include:
Events that may have led to the divorce. In Oregon, we can state irreconcilable differences without including any specific behavior by one party or the other. With that said, if there have been mental health or substance abuse issues, one of the parties may disclose damaging details of those occurrences into the public court record, which could have a number of consequences for the other party.
Financial information, including assets owned and the value placed on each one, how real property is distributed, who maintains which bank accounts, how debt is divided and other sensitive information.
Parenting decisions such as where the children will live and what schools they will be attending.
The only people privy to all of the information are the attorneys and other professionals working with the parties in the collaborative process. This includes the certified divorce financial analysts, child psychologists, and others. They all have a duty not to share this information with anyone without the express permission of both parties.
Bridges Collaborative Divorce Solutions will work with you so that you and your spouse part in the most positive way possible and keep private information private so that the information is not discoverable by the public. Contact us for more information.
When you go through the divorce process, you will need to address all of the same issues regardless of the process you choose. When you are choosing between Mediation and Collaborative Divorce, you are choosing how you want to discuss those issues.
There are many similarities between Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. Both are premised on good faith, full disclosure, and creating mutually beneficial agreements. There are several differences between the processes, but the main difference is which professional(s) you work with to resolve your case. Both processes frequently use child specialists, financial specialists and/or divorce coaches. This article focuses only on the role of the mediator and Collaborative attorneys.
In mediation, clients work directly with a neutral third party – the mediator. Mediation is usually a series of “three way” meetings involving both clients and the mediator. The mediator does not represent either client and has an equal duty to both clients. Mediators can provide legal information to clients, but they cannot provide legal advice. Legal information includes what the rules are in Oregon, how they may apply to your situation, and (potentially) what a likely range of outcomes would be in your situation. Legal advice is a recommendation about what you should do in your situation. Mediators cannot provide you with legal advice (even if they are an attorney).
Attorneys are often involved in the mediation process, although they don’t have to be involved. Clients often consult with attorneys prior to mediation or in between mediation sessions. Attorneys will sometimes be present during mediation. This happens more often when a case is litigated (i.e., going through a traditional contested divorce process), but that doesn’t necessarily have to be the case.
In Collaborative Divorce each client is represented by their own collaboratively trained attorney. The collaborative team meets together in series of “four way” meetings, although these meetings may also include other professionals if you are working on a “full team” case. Collaborative Divorce usually does not involve a mediator, although sometimes it does. The job of the Collaborative attorney is to educate and advise their client while also providing negotiation assistance. You can learn more about the role of the Collaborative Law attorney here.
Which Process to Choose? The main difference between the two processes is working with one neutral third party vs. each person working with their own collaboratively trained attorney. There is not necessarily a ‘right’ process, but here are a few things to keep in mind:
Legal Advice. Do you feel like you need legal advice as part of the process? Mediators are prohibited from providing legal advice, although they can provide legal information. You can still obtain legal advice as part of mediation; it’s just usually done in between meetings. Your Collaborative attorney, on the other hand, is with you every step of the way and is there to provide advice if you need it. There are differences of opinion amongst professionals about the role of the law in the Collaborative Divorce process, but that discussion is beyond the scope of this article.
Negotiation Assistance. When you think of negotiating on your own behalf, what comes up for you? Is that a comfortable idea? Is it stress-inducing? Anxiety provoking? The job of the mediator is to facilitate the negotiation and to empower both people to effectively advocate on their own behalf. A Collaborative Divorce attorney, by comparison, would be actively negotiating with you and for you as part of the Collaborative process.
Increased Support. Sometimes one person prefers mediation and one person prefers Collaborative Divorce. In that case we usually recommend choosing the Collaborative process rather than mediation. If one person prefers Collaborative, it is usually because they feel like they need a heightened degree of support or assistance that their own attorney can provide. Generally speaking, we’d rather have both people get added support if there is a need for it by one client rather than have someone need an increased level of support and not get it (i.e., by selecting the mediation process). You can still have the support of an attorney in mediation, it’s just that your attorney tends to be more involved in your Collaborative Divorce case than if they are just consulting in between mediation sessions.
One useful way of deciding between mediation and Collaborative Divorce is to schedule a joint process consultation with a member of Bridges. A joint process consultation is an opportunity for both of you to sit down with one person to discuss which process will work best for your family. These meetings are limited just to discussing these process options – you will not be negotiating at a process consultation.
The members of Bridges Collaborative Divorce Solutions offer both mediation and collaborative services. Many of us offer joint process consultations if you need help deciding which process makes the most sense for you and your family.
https://bridgesdivorce.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/gavel-law-book-and-goddess-holding-lawer-scales-on-book.jpg6671000Randall Poffhttps://bridgesdivorce.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/BCDS-DE-Logo-e1511397900144.pngRandall Poff2023-03-07 11:00:202023-03-11 16:06:16Choosing between Mediation and Collaborative Divorce