Celebrity Divorce Secrets: Why Mediation Works for So Many Famous Separating Couples

– And Why It May Work for You in Oregon and Washington, too

By: Diana Fedoroff, Attorney, Mediator and Coach

Why Is Mediation a Celebrity Favorite?

Photo: Glenn Francis, via Wikimedia Commons (CC BY‑SA 4.0)

Why do most celebrity couples who call it quits choose mediation over litigation? There is a long list of celebrities who have successfully used mediation in dividing their assets and keeping it about the kids: Adele, Brittney Spears, Melissa Gilbert, Jude Law, and Gwen Stefani are part of a much longer list. Before the 1980’s, mediation did not have the support of the courts, and was not a legally recognized process in the U.S. Litigation was the way most couples achieved divorce, and that typically meant public court hearings and an often-prolonged process, like in the 1979 flick Kramer vs.

Kramer with Meryl Streep and Dustin Hoffman.

Public Records, Like Films, Are Forever

For celebrities, publicity is a double-edged sword. Celebrities need attention and followers to promote the artistic works they have helped create, but it also comes with unwelcome scrutiny into their personal lives, beyond the stories their publicists try to curate for publications like People Magazine. When anyone—be they ordinary people or celebrities—engages in litigation in the United States, that litigation is public.  Once something is filed with the court, that filing generally (with limited exceptions) becomes a public record.

Court hearings are open to the public (including the media) and are recorded for posterity.

Odor In the Court

Photo: micadew, via Wikimedia Commons (CC BY‑SA 2.0)

Those recordings and/or transcriptions are also available to the public. There are cases where couples engage in unpleasant mudslinging battles. Exhibit A: Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s widely covered hearings available for anyone to watch on cable TV or online. Their literal dirty laundry, including accounts of their soiled sheets, and allegations of defamation, were aired to the public, which we can only assume, was an embarrassment for the respective famed stars of Pirates of the Carbbean and Aquaman.

Keeping it L.A. Confidential

To protect their privacy (and their dignity) some celebrities—perhaps the wiser ones—deliberately choose mediation over litigation. But you don’t have to be a celebrity to want privacy. Mediation is a confidential process that is protected by law in Oregon andvWashington. With few exceptions, the discussions that occur in mediation are confidential. And those exceptions, like talking to attorneys, and mandatory reports for allegations of child abuse, are typically clearly outlined as part of a mediated agreement from the outset.

Neither the public, nor the media, nor the court is made aware of the conversations that occur in mediation. If the couple ending their relationship reaches an agreement, the agreement itself is provided to the court by either the parties or their attorneys, but nothing else is. Sometimes, in Oregon and Washington, even the details of the agreement can be sealed. If no agreement can be reached in mediation, then nothing can be shared with the court about what was said either, only that no agreement was reached.

Why Mediation Works for Non-Celebrities Too

You don’t have to be a celebrity, public figure, or aspiring famous artist or politician to want the peace of mind that the details of how your agreement is reached will not be aired to just anyone. Many non-famous couples resolve their case in mediation, often before even filing in court. Your agreement to mediate will likely require that you and your former partner not share the details of your mediation with anyone except for people like your attorneys and your therapists. We don’t always know whether celebrities used mediation, because it is, well, a confidential process.

Jennifer Anniston and Justin Theroux probably used mediation, but we don’t know for sure, because everything was settled out of court before their attorneys filed jointly on their behalf.

Your Own Child Stars—When You Have Kids, Privacy Matters Even More

Photo: Harrywad, via Wikimedia Commons (CC BY‑SA 3.0)

Having children involved in the divorce can add an extra reason to use a confidential process. If you have children, it becomes especially valuable to know that your children will not later, as adults, be accessing court recordings of your divorce—because there aren’t any. And that goes for the paparazzi, journalists, and even just nosy neighbors. Your children may thank you later when they become famous.

Saying “Yes And” to Mediation and Pro-Mediation Attorneys

In the 2019 flick, A Marriage Story, with Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson, the divorcing couple starts off without attorneys when they try mediation. They later abandon mediation because of the fear instilled in them by the high-powered (and pricey) litigation attorneys they eventually hire. Those attorneys [SPOILER ALERT] take them through a long and expensive litigation journey before they finally divorce. In real life, mediation versus hiring attorneys does not have to be an either-or choice.

Many attorneys in Oregon and Washington support the mediation process, and they often encourage their clients to try mediation early as a way to potentially resolve the case with less resource expenditure and fewer hard feelings. Attorneys can be involved in the mediation process by accompanying their clients to the mediation (if both parties agree), and/or by giving one-on-one advice throughout the mediation process.

In some cases, separating couples decide to use the Collaborative Process, where collaborative attorneys who are specially trained lead their respective clients through a peace-focused joint process to try to reach an out-of-court settlement, and that process will sometimes also involve a mediator.

Getting to “That’s A Wrap” Sooner

Mediation is not appropriate in every case; in cases of severe power imbalances, a history of abuse or domestic violence, or when one party is not willing to cooperate or negotiate in good-faith, litigation may be the best (or only) way to resolve your case.

But if there is a way to avoid the fate of Jesse Williams’ and Aryn Drake-Lee’s three-year divorce, or a four year process like that of Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet, or a six-year journey like with Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan, or the seven year ordeal endured by Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez, or the whopping eight year epic saga a la Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, it can make sense to try mediation early, and in some cases often, in an effort to wrap it all up and move on.

The End? Not Always. Mediation Can Still Help Later

Photo: Georges Biard, via Wikimedia Commons (CC BY‑SA 3.0)

And speaking of Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie, even if your divorce or other legal process is (mostly) over, there may be issues that come up later, that could be either litigated or peaceably resolved. While the now separate parts of “Brangelina” had a high-conflict divorce, they reportedly reached a settlement on their jointly-owned French vineyard through the mediation process. And so could you, over your own vineyard, or at least the backyard garden equipment you forgot to divide up earlier.

Ready to Talk Mediation?

If you’re navigating a separation or divorce in Oregon or Washington and want to protect your privacy and peace of mind, please reach out to an experienced attorney-mediator member of Bridges Divorce today.

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Diana Fedoroff, Attorney, Mediator and Coach

Diana Fedoroff
Attorney, Mediator and Coach
Portland Cooperative Divorce
2705 E. Burnside St., Suite 206 #11
Portland, Oregon 97214
(503) 389-0576
Diana’s Website
Diana’s Email