As obvious as they are, the elements of a constructive divorce become obstructed from view by the emotional intensity of the experience. It is all too easy to stop caring about what happens and start justifying destructive behavior. It is easy to get trapped in spiraling hostilities.
Copy this, print it out and paste it on your mirror (from “Between Love and Hate” by Lois Gold, pp. 55-56).
- Take responsibility for regulating your behavior regardless of what your spouse does.
- Separate your emotions from the decision making process.
- Separate your job as a parent from the conflicts with your spouse.
- Accept responsibility for your contribution to the divorce.
- Learn to understand your spouse’s viewpoint.
- Be willing to negotiate, compromise and cooperate in resolving your differences.
- Make a commitment to an equitable and non-adversarial settlement process.